Who the Fuck Am I?

(In darkness. Spoken or prerecorded.)

I am Chinese. (I am part of the Chinese diaspora.)/ I am gay. (At any point in my life, I always seem to be in love with a man that I’m not sure is in love with me.)/ I am a writer. (Once, after a reading, a man came up to me and said, “I didn’t understand a word you said, but your reading was very powerful.”)/ I have an accent./ I shave my head./ I have tattoos./ I am damaged./ I am a Joni Mitchell fan./ I hate my body./ I love my feet./ I am a cat owner./ I have allergies./ I am from what is known as the Third World./ I feel invisible./ I feel powerless./ I feel unattractive./ I am bitter./ I feel normal./ I belong to what they call GENERATION X./ I feel alienated./ I feel like ASIAN AMERICA’S bastard retard child./ I am in pain./ I have more closets than I care to imagine./ I have bad clothes sense./ I like fucking./ I like being fucked./ I like sucking dick./ I like swallowing cum./ I like red meat./ I am nearsighted./ I am uncircumcised./ I am vaccinated./ I don’t know my HIV status anymore./ I hate a lot of people./ I hate fruit desserts./ I like rough sex./ I have insomnia./ Sometimes, I think I might fall in love with Linda Rondstadt./ I want to know for sure./ I want to be loved./ I hate anyone who loves me./ I am drowning./ I am the day of openess./ I am a plague of locusts./ I am crucified./ I am bones and paper./ I am nothing but dust./ I am a work in progress./ I am abandoned./ I am fucked up./ I am totally fucked up./ I am a freak./ I am between worlds./ I am drawing a line in my skull./ I am sick./ I am recovering./ I am in recovery./ I am a fucking shit./ I am fucking shit out of someone’s asshole./ I am grim./ I am brain-dead./ I am a chink./ I am a fag./ I am ticklish./ I am violent when provoked./ I am soft-spoken./ I am nervous./ I am a butterfly./ I am a whore./ I am a virgin./ I am nothing./ I am mad./ I am a dog./ I am repentant./ I am baptised./ I am saved./ I am going to go straight to hell./ I am going to visit heaven just to say hello./ I am in need of something good./ I am the premature ejaculate of a cheap trick./ I am short./ I should know better./ I am a rat./ I smell bad./ I am not who I want to be./ I am regret./ I am remorse./ I am happy./ I am delirious./ I am cruel./ I am fate./ I am poison./ I need poison./ I need to be abused./ I want to scream./ I want to cry./ I am floating./ I am a boring fuck./ I am a vegetable./ I am a child./ I was curious yellow./ I am a burden./ I am repulsive./ I am the splendid parsnips./ I am the form of a mouth./ I am a dinner of lilies./ I am subterranean./ I lie like mad./ I am in agony./ I am spiteful./ I am baited with ambition./ I am baited with lust./ I am naked./ I am a black sleeve./ I am a cut sleeve./ I am the secret life./ I am the lines of pleasure./ I am mud and honey./ I am choking on honey./ I am drooling./ I am noise./ I am not a pipe./ I am the last one to be picked./ I am broken./ I am shame./ I am a blade./ I am sad./ I am empowered./ I am not angry anymore./ I am numb./ I am everything I shouldn’t be./ I am everything I want to be.

Justin Chin
from Attack of the Man-Eating Lotus Blossoms

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